How to deal with passive-aggressive coworkers

Though you're unlikely to receive professional development training about how to deal with passive-aggressive coworkers, they exist in nearly every workplace. Interacting with a passive-aggressive coworker can provoke feelings of anxiety, confusion, or anger, and working with them can potentially make meetings and collaborations less productive. Working in an environment where you frequently experience passive-aggressive behavior from one or more coworkers is uncomfortable at best. At worst, it can deteriorate professional relationships, negatively affect workplace cohesion, and fuel interpersonal conflict.

What is passive aggression?

Before you learn how to deal with passive-aggressive coworkers, it's best to understand what qualifies as passive aggression and why a person might resort to this type of behavior. Simply put, passive aggression is a coping mechanism a person might use to communicate negative feelings. Instead of yelling to express anger, for example, a passive-aggressive person might reply sarcastically to whatever provoked their anger. And while everyone uses coping mechanisms to manage negative feelings, the problem with passive-aggressive behaviors is that there's a disconnect between what the passive-aggressive person says and how they're feeling or what they're doing.

Passive aggression is a highly indirect way of communicating negative feelings. Though this form of coping can manifest itself in many ways, a few behaviors are frequently related to passive aggression, including the following:

Procrastination: When asked to complete a task, do a favor, or take care of a responsibility, a passive-aggressive person may deliberately delay completing the request.
Recurrent forgetfulness: Like procrastinating when asked to do something, a passive-aggressive person might intentionally ignore a request or responsibility, claiming that they "forgot" to do it.
Sarcastic or cynical communication: When a person harbors negative feelings toward another, they may speak to that person using sarcasm or be overly pessimistic about the topics under discussion.
Non-responsiveness: Otherwise known as the "silent treatment," a passive-aggressive person might refuse to respond when called upon, or they might ignore emails, text messages, or phone calls.

There are also several common reasons a person might resort to passive-aggressive behavior, including the following:

Fear of confrontation: If the passive-aggressive person is unsure how to bring up their displeasure in a productive way, they may resort to passive-aggressive behaviors to avoid conflict.
Power imbalance: People sometimes resort to passive-aggressive behavior when power dynamics are unequal, as in the workplace. Resorting to passive-aggressive behavior can be a way to assert control or resist authority.
Learned behavior: If someone grew up in an environment where they were discouraged from expressing negative emotions or punished for doing so, they may resort to passive-aggressive behavior. They may choose indirect communication to convey their feelings if they fear severe repercussions.

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Passive-aggressive behaviors in the workplace

As you might know, passive-aggressive behaviors frequently occur in the workplace. These behaviors are often related to fears of confrontation with managers or coworkers, strict workplace hierarchies, anxiety about negative consequences for expressing displeasure, and conflicting interests between colleagues. Some examples of how passive-aggressive behavior might manifest in the workplace include the following:

Project procrastination: Despite being part of a team working on a major project, one team member consistently misses deadlines and forgets their responsibilities. This behavior stems from their frustration with your supervisor's refusal to grant them a raise.
Sarcastic compliments: After a meeting where you received praise for a project you collaborated on, a resentful coworker approaches you and sarcastically says, "Congratulations on getting all the credit for that project."
Speechless staff: Two members of a team you're managing got into an argument outside of work. You notice during a meeting that although both team members have valuable knowledge to contribute, they remain silent during the entire meeting.
Feeding the rumor mill: A coworker with a negative opinion of you without a clear reason frequently disparages you to other colleagues, which you discover when your colleagues share what they've heard.

"To address passive-aggressive behavior, rather than criticizing your coworker, approach them with care, concern, and a goal of improving communication."

Though they may be common, passive-aggressive behaviors can pollute office culture and damage workplace cohesion. Skillfully addressing the underlying cause of passive-aggressive behavior can help resolve it. But confronting a coworker about their behavior requires a thoughtful and delicate approach. You must first determine which method might be the best for your situation.

Methods for dealing with passive-aggressive coworkers

Before confronting your coworker, it's important to understand that passive aggression is often a coping behavior, not a fundamental aspect of a person's character. Realistically, almost everyone engages in some form of it at some point. To address passive-aggressive behavior, rather than criticizing your coworkers, approach them with care, concern, and a goal of improving communication.

Assess the seriousness of the problem

Workplaces can be complex social environments composed of different personalities, conflicting interests, and overlapping social hierarchies. When conflict erupts in a workplace, it can have more serious consequences than it would outside it. So it's best to carefully consider the seriousness of your coworker's behavior before you confront them.

If you notice a sarcastic comment from someone that seems uncharacteristic, it's worth considering whether it's a passing remark or a sign of recurring passive-aggressive behavior causing workplace tension. It might be best to let it go if it's a passing remark, as not every offense requires addressing. But if the behavior is an ongoing issue affecting your relationship, you'll need to decide how to address the matter with your coworker to improve the situation.

Manage your own emotions

Dealing with passive aggression can be complicated and spark negative emotions, but you should do your best to remain calm when dealing with passive-aggressive coworkers. Remaining calm will help keep the situation under control and model appropriate professional behavior.

Engage in self-reflection

Self-reflection is often challenging when it comes to understanding our role in conflicts. Before addressing a coworker, assess if you contributed to the situation. Take responsibility if you realize you may have upset them or made a mistake in your interaction. Doing so shows your sincere commitment to improving the relationship and demonstrates that you value their feelings instead of merely criticizing or dismissing them.

Begin from a place of empathy

Because you understand the reasons behind passive-aggressive behavior, you can approach your coworker with empathy rather than judgment. Acknowledge the difficulty of expressing concerns in the workplace, emphasizing your commitment to achieving a responsible resolution. Start by saying, "I understand the challenges of communication here. Your contributions are valuable, and I believe in maintaining an open and respectful line of communication between us."

Suggest a goal for improvement

When you approach your coworker, use "I Statements" to assertively communicate your observations and feelings, and follow up your concern with an achievable goal for the relationship. An example might be, "When you miss project deadlines, I feel frustrated and helpless. I believe your forgetfulness affects the productivity and cohesion of our team. If there's an issue, it's important to me that we address it together and find constructive ways to improve our collaboration while also meeting project goals."

Navigating the challenge of a passive-aggressive coworker requires tact and thoughtfulness, but you can be successful. If you recognize the signs and symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior, promote clear and open communication, and address the issue with confidence and calmness, you'll increase the likelihood of success and contribute to a healthier workplace culture. Keep in mind that prioritizing constructive dialogue and conflict resolution is vital for building stronger professional relationships and improving workplace dynamics.